It all begins with the best of intentions. A group of friends decides that this will finally be the year they make the epic journey to a legal state to bask in all of the glories of legal marijuana. The trip has been a dream of theirs ever since Colorado became the first state to drag the almighty cannabis plant out of the underground. But now that several other jurisdictions have followed suit, allowing pot products to be manufactured and sold in a manner similar to beer, the young cannabis connoisseurs are like a bunch screeching school girls with the prospect of this new world Valhalla.
They have done their homework, spending many a late night planning a dispensary tour where there is but one common goal — to try as many different cannabis products as possible. But if there is one particular creation that these would be toking tourists have been obsessing over above anything else, its marijuana edibles. It will be the first time anyone in the group has ever tried them. Needless to say, they are beyond excited.
When momentous day finally arrives, everything goes downhill, and fast. The group shows up at dispensary numeral uno, all of them with a slight variance in cheese-eating grins plastered on their faces. It’s carnival of cannabis inside — just as they imagined — and they take full advantage of the experience. So much that by the time they leave with their orders, it seems as though the budtender has sold them at least one of everything in the store. Of course, they are eager to sample their purchases. So before moving to the next stop of the tour, a couple of them haphazardly devour an entire marijuana-infused chocolate bar containing 100 mg of THC right there in the parking lot.
“Let’s see what this does,” one of them says.
Fortunately, the driver, perhaps haunted by the words of his mother, “If you get go out there and arrested, don’t call me to come bail you out,” opts to wait until they get back to the hotel before tearing into his treats. “The label claims a dose is 10 mg,” he says, as the rest of the crew chows down like a twisted shift of disgruntled Oompa Loompas.
What comes next is a bit embarrassing.
It is somewhere around the third stop when this pack of dispensary hoppers starts to feel their chocolate-covered nightmare begin. Their tongues feel as though they are swelling up to the size of fists, which makes it difficult for them to formulate a sentence much less carry on a semi-intelligent conversation with the budtender at the counter. And then the vertigo kicks in. From there, the kids can do nothing but stumble around the dispensary in a way that is not too much different from the ether scene in the film “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.”
This group has just crossed the line from being comfortably stoned to a sideshow spectacle of immense proportions. Although these goof balls are at absolutely no risk of riding shotgun with the grim reaper by the end of the evening, they are, however, destined to endure a relatively unpleasant series of psychedelic events that will last for hours… and hours.
Some people might be able to keep their composure during this state of all highness, but there is always that one in the group that starts to panic the second they realize there is no immediate escape. It is when they come running out of the bathroom at full speed, screaming something like, “I can’t breathe… I can’t breathe,” that everyone realizes they have some babysitting to do.
Of course, this person, under the weight of high anxiety and impending doom, has a way of putting a damper on all social activity for the next 8-10 hours. So, to keep the newcomers from driving themselves over the edge, we have assembled a couple of crucial tips for eating marijuana edibles without freaking out. Pass it along that “person” in your group.
Don’t Be a Show Off: Start Slow, Be Patient and Eat Something
Beginners are always advised to start slow when it comes to cannabis edibles. Even the most experienced cannabis user can sometimes end up screwing the pooch by consuming more than they should. It happens. But a standard dose is 10 mg. It is recommended to eat one 10 mg serving and wait a couple of hours to see how it hits. Because of how edible marijuana metabolizes in the body, it can take some time for the effects to peak.
But there are a variety of factors that determine just how high a person can get from an edible, says Kristi Knoblich, owner of Kiva Confections. She recently told the Los Angeles Times that “food in your stomach, what your metabolism is like, and alcohol, can add to the intensity of the effects.”
This means eat a substantial meal before going on an edible bender. It is also best not to mix it with other intoxicating substances.
Drink, Pray, Loathe… But Don’t Call the Cops
If someone does end up getting too stoned for their own good, do not feed them hoping it will calm the buzz. It won’t. Although food can sometimes help a boozehound get through the rest of the night, marijuana is a different beast. THC feeds on fat content, so any kind of meal, like pizza or fast food tacos, will only serve to enhance the stoned effects. In this situation, plenty of water and time to chill out is the best option.
Now, if a someone in the crew gets really high and starts to panic, they may beg for emergency assistance and maybe even promise their first born child and every last cent they have to anyone willing to call 911. This move is absolutely unnecessary. There is no risk of suffering a fatal marijuana overdose — no matter how much a person consumes. Just as importantly, there is no chance of doing an organ damage either.
But picking up some disposable CBD vape pens at a dispensary might be a solid preemptive strike.
CBD has been known to calm the anxiety often felt after consuming an overabundance of THC. But keep it strait CBD. Other than that, there is really nothing else to do but wait it out. We’ve heard of people trying to pray themselves sober during a tumultuous battle with edibles. We’re not convinced this helps much. But then again it can’t hurt to try.
TELL US, have you ever had too many edibles?